Why I would have a Double Mastectomy tomorrow, if I could!

Back in 2020, at the height of the covid-19 pandemic and three days before Christmas, I admitted to my husband that I had found a lump on my breast. I had known about this new little friend for about 6 weeks. And I know, I know, I should have piped up about it sooner! I could sit here and spout 100 reasons why I didn’t get it checked or talk about it sooner. But they’d all sound like excuses! But at the end of the day? I was terrified. Sick to my stomach terrified. However, when I realised it wasn’t going away and three days before Christmas, let’s be honest, I could have picked better timing! I finally came clean to my Husband and he badgered me to call the Doctor. Quite right too.

So I did. Never thought I’d be seen especially not with only 3 days to Christmas. I was asked to come in immediately. So off I went. And honestly? I was so scared on the walk over that I couldn’t stop crying. I held my breath as my name was called and as I was being examined. Then I heard the words “It’s a cyst” and I deflated. That’s the only word I can think of to describe how I felt at that exact time. I think when we find a lump on our breast, our minds instantly go to the darkest of places. But to hear “it’s a cyst” was amazing. Some antibiotics and it will go away in time. A huge relief! 

My revelation for wanting a Double Mastectomy

I remember walking home from the appointment and I couldn’t breathe or stop crying. It was an emotional time! And I recall calling my Husband and just crying down the phone at him in pure, raw relief that it wasn’t anything more sinister. It was at that moment that I knew I wanted a double mastectomy. I did not want to, in a million years, feel that terror again. And at the end of the day, they are just boobs.

I have five beautiful and healthy children, for whom I am so thankful. My breastfeeding days are done and for those I am thankful. Now? At the age of 41, my breasts are huge {I am an H cup}, they clap when braless and I run up the stairs {you’re welcome for that visual!}. They’re saggy and they are just in the way, you know? Not to mention they cost me a fortune in bras! And to add to all of that, they can kill me? No thank you. So yes, if I could walk into the hospital tomorrow for a double mastectomy, I would. It would not bother me in the slightest to have no breasts. In fact, I think it would be invigorating and very freeing! Think of the tops I could wear!! 

From my Husbands perspective? I cannot imagine he would be very happy about me having no breasts, They’re his favourite part of me! However, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would have his support because if it came down to me still having boobs or not being here? I know what he would choose.

Reoccurring cyst?

Fast forward to January 2022 and I found another lump. Just like before. It was in the same place, felt the same and looked the same. So in my mind, it was just a reoccurring cyst. Unlike before, however, I did try to get it checked out immediately. But, due to the ongoing pandemic, it took me over one month to even get my GP on the phone. One month! To even speak to a GP. Insane. And I know that so many of you have similar struggles. I am just thankful that we don’t need regular GP visits because it’s not great at the moment, at all. Nor has it been since Covid embedded itself in our lives.

So, I finally got my telephone appointment and as soon she heard the words “lump” and “breast” I was asked to come in as soon as I could. And with that being said, this is where I need to give an abundance of credit to the NHS because they know those two words are terrifying for any woman. And they are not to be left unchecked or untreated and I am so, so thankful to them for that.

My appointment came around, just 2 days after the phone call and thankfully, just as I expected, it was a reoccurring cyst. Back on the antibiotics, I go! I will also now be referred to have it cut out, which is totally fine. But all of those feelings of wanting a double mastectomy came flooding back! And if we weren’t saving to buy a house right now, I would 100% go private and have one as soon as humanly possible.

Am I at high risk for breast cancer?

I don’t know. We have had one case of breast cancer in our family and even though she survived that cancer journey, it was sadly a second and different cancer journey that took her. So in a doctors eyes, I don’t think I would be considered high risk as it isn’t ravaging through our family. But isn’t anyone at risk for contracting it? So that’s my worry. And with my breasts being so big, I know for a fact that feeling a lump would be much more difficult than in someone with a C or a D cup.

So just knowing that one part of my body isn’t able to try and kill me, would make me happy. Because it is one of the most common cancers around {in women} alongside Cervical cancer.

Do I check myself regularly? 

Of course! I signed up for monthly texts with Coppafeel whenever they first became available. And every month, like clockwork I will give myself a good checking over. Just as you all should be doing! You can set up a ‘remind me’ with a free text reminder from Coppafeel so you never miss a chance to check yourself each month!

If you are unsure how to properly check yourself, Coppafeel has a really helpful Self Checkout guide on their website. So be sure to check that out! And please, anything that you find, get it checked out. Even if it turns out to be a cyst, like mine, you are better off having it checked than not.

Would you have a double mastectomy tomorrow, if you could? I heavily personal question, but I would genuinely love to know. 

Feel free to share any experiences you have had in the comments below and my email and social media DMs are always open if you need a chat. Because I know how scary finding a lump can be! So I am always available to chat if needed.

 Much love!