My S.C.B.U story | Neonatal Mental Health Awareness Week

First of all S.C.B.U {if, you don’t know already} stands for the Special Care Baby Unit. Secondly, I am sharing this post for the first-ever Neonatal Mental Health Awareness Week because when I was a S.C.B.U parent – I didn’t get the help I needed during my experience. This week is aimed at raising funds and awareness to inspire change. It is looking to campaign for funding to aid mental health support in S.C.B.U & Neonatal units. 

This is my story…

In the early hours of June 16th, I was having my labour induced. Which is not fun – it’s unnatural and just feels forced. However, the reason for my inducing was because on June 13th {my 26th birthday} I went into premature labour. 

The doctors made the decision to prevent my labour from advancing until they got steroids into my system {these help your babies lungs develop a little quicker} and that was that. A few days ticked by – which included lots of check-ups on the baby & tests. Finally, they decided to take me off the labour advancement drugs & to induce me later that evening {June 15th}. 

This labour was unlike any other labours I had experienced. My first son was born {after 36hrs in labour} by an emergency c-section. Whereas my second son, who was also a premature baby {34wks gestation – due to premature rupture of the membranes} was born naturally, with an epidural. This little lady of mine, however, gave me a whole different experience. 

My labour with my Ellie was done naturally with only gas & air. To say it was painful would be an understatement. They don’t call it the ‘ring of fire’ for nothing, I can tell you that! As she was delivered, I lost over a pint of blood and became quite poorly. It’s insane what losing a pint of blood can do to your body. However, that doesn’t overshadow the memory of Ellie coming out all perfect & pink with her hand stuck to her cheek {seriously cute}. She didn’t make a sound. Not one. According to the midwives they were going to take her to S.C.B.U as she had a few breathing difficulties and I could see her once I was able to. 

Being wheeled back onto the maternity ward without my baby was when it all started. It was the weirdest feeling and the hardest. Other Mums were able to tend to their babies if they needed to be changed or fed and I couldn’t. I couldn’t even lie next to my baby and stare at her as she slept. I was a Neonatal Mum and I was quite ill after the blood loss and couldn’t even walk without assistance.  To add fuel to the fire I was running a nasty fever and had to be closely monitored. 

Two days passed before I was remotely well enough to be wheeled down to S.C.B.U to see my baby. Having her little tiny body placed onto my chest was magical. I had thought of nothing else for the last 48hrs. Hell, the last 8 months! Seeing all of her wires was very overwhelming, there was beeping going on and the whole ‘first experience’ of S.C.B.U was quite scary. It makes you very aware that your baby isn’t well. 

The S.C.B.U we were in was Blackpool Victoria and I’m not sure about other hospitals or SCBU’s, but this one had three bays. The first bay was for those extremely premature and very poorly babies. The second bay was when they get a little stronger and the third bay is the final hurdle before getting discharged. For the first few days, Ellie was in Bay 2. By the time I got to hold her, she was in Bay Three. 

I expressed for her, a very proud 180ml every four hours and spent most of my days with her. However, after 6 days I walked through the SCBU doors like I had done so many times that week I wasn’t prepared for what I was going to see. Nobody told me. But I walked into Ellies Bay and saw my little tiny baby, stripped down to her nappy, wires galore and in a phototherapy box. There was even a red perspex style box over her face. I couldn’t breathe. Why wasn’t I warned? I knew about jaundice, it’s very common in newborn babies however Ellie’s was severe. So much so that she had to have two sessions of it, each lasting a few days. 

After that first sight of her, I needed the bathroom but as I went to walk back through the S.C.B.U doors, I froze. I couldn’t move and I could feel my cheeks heat up as my eyes filled with tears. I had never felt that inability to move before and all I kept thinking was “Why didn’t someone warn me?”, you know? If anything, from that moment I think I struggled the most. Every time I left the S.C.B.U – whether it be for food or for a bit of fresh air – it took all of me and more to walk back through those doors again. 

You might be thinking to yourself, but sure “It was just jaundice” and in a way, you’re right. But I think not being told about her condition and being left to see her for myself – with no warning didn’t help. This is after having complications following her birth and having to remain in the maternity ward without my baby. Being a S.C.B.U/Neonatal Mum can be so incredibly hard and I didn’t even have it as hard as the other parents – especially for the little babies in bays 1 & 2. Not to mention those who tragically lost their babies. But this was my experience and thinking back, I never would have thought it had affected me. But looking back on it? It did.

I never got think of myself when my daughter was born. I was too busy trying to understand the blood loss I experienced, to heal, to be strong enough to walk, expressing and making sure her milk was stocked up. The list goes on.

When it’s all going on you don’t really get to properly process it all because you have higher priorities. But it silently creeps under your skin and just stays there until you finally get a moment to think about it. I have to be honest, the care my baby got was amazing, however, the Neonatal aftercare I received – not so much. Maybe 13yrs ago, Mental Health wasn’t really ‘seen’ as an issue. Therefore a reason to why S.C.B.U/N.I.C.U parents weren’t given some form of mental health support, perhaps? 

Either way, having this Neonatal Mental Health Awareness week is nothing short of amazing. Being a S.C.B.U/N.I.C.U parent can be scary, lonely and traumatic. Having any form of movement on this to inspire mental health and emotional wellbeing support, to help parents now and in the future is just incredible. 

Do you have a Neonatal story that you’d like to share? As scary as these experiences can be, it’s good to talk. 

Other posts you might enjoy:

• My experience with Premature Rupture of the Membranes {PROM}