AD | How to Talk to Parents about Future-Proofing their Home

Have you ever had to have a difficult or uncomfortable conversation with your family about your future? What it holds, what’s in store, how to plan it all out. It isn’t something any of us really what to think about, is it? I guess it can be quite a grim topic, but I suppose only if you allow it to be. But thinking about your future and having that gift to be able to plan it all out, prepare for both the expected and the unexpected. Well, it’s nothing short of a gift in my opinion.

My own mother passed away seven years ago this Christmas. She was only 54, so she never got to plan her future because what happened to her was massively unexpected. That precious time was taken from her which even though was and still is hugely unfair. It’s sad that she never got to enjoy her golden years how she was hoping too. Which, knowing her, would have been in the Spanish sunshine drinking wine.

With my Mother in mind, I sit here, typing this and my mind is in a whirl. I turned 40 this year. Forty. Which is insane! Because I swear if I close my eyes I was 18, in the Lisburn Swimming Centre, laughing with my friends and saying “Imagine being 30 and having a family!”. Somewhere along the line, from that day out with my friends to now? I’ve blinked. And here I am, a married mother of five. Five futures I need to pave the way for. To make sure they are secure in every sense of the word.

My Dad is two years from his retirement and has been thinking of ways to plan for his and his wife’s future. Throughout this post, I am going to interview my Dad and ask him a series of questions to find out his thoughts on how he should secure his future.

I was kindly commissioned by Premier Care in Bathing to give my thoughts on this topic. Premier Care in Bathing is one of the first-ever companies to specialise in the installation of bathrooms specifically designed for customers with mobility needs. They are on a mission to encourage families to talk more openly about how to make our homes safe for older family members.

Questions for my Dad:

Have you ever talked to someone about where you will be living when you get older?

I have. A little. I find it a tricky topic to discuss because I hate to think that is something that I will need to decide on, one day. Or if things go sideways, someone I love will have to make that decision for me.

Would you prefer to stay home or move where you can get support as you get older, e.g. sheltered housing, assisted living, or living with family?

I’d like to live with my family, but only if I wouldn’t be a burden. If I need medical care or assisted living treatment on a daily basis, I wouldn’t want to have to add that onto my family’s worries. I would consider assisted living if that were the case. But if not? And I was well, healthy, but just old? Then I’d be happy to stay at home or live with family.

Why did you choose the answer you did?

Because when you get older, you get slower, more tired, sometimes even lonely. I don’t want to be lonely or to wake up, and no one to be there to talk to about their day. I love my family, and I want to hear about everything they get up to.

What do you think would be the most challenging aspect of staying home as you get older?

I live in a 3-story Hamlet-style home. So, getting up the stairs, I think, would begin to be a problem at some point. Also, we don’t have a walk-in shower booth because my wife favours a bath. So getting in and out of the bath would, again, at some point, get more difficult and unsafe.

Have you ever considered making home improvements, such as safety measures or home adaptations to enable you to stay home for longer?

I have always been a tinkerer and always have my next DIY project in mind before my current one is completed. That’s always been my way. I don’t think me and the word relax know how to get along. But yes, I have considered making further home improvements to adapt to my wife and me getting older. Making sure entries through doorways are level, stairs have bannisters, railings for any outdoor steps and so on.

What would motivate you to make improvements to your home?

It’s just the smart thing to do, isn’t it? I think so, anyway. If I didn’t do it, then my wife and I could have an accident and get seriously hurt. So surely wanting to prevent that from ever happening is the wise thing to do. Alongisde that when discussing ways to future-proof a home for changing needs, it’s also worth considering flexible furniture solutions—such as murphy beds nyc—which can help create adaptable spaces that evolve with lifestyle and mobility requirements.

Do you know much about what kind of home adaptations are available?

Being someone who has always worked with his hands, yes, I do. With us not having a shower unit, I have considered, at some point, because we’re not there yet! Having a bath lift installed. Perhaps adding a ramp and rail to the front & back doorways, if we were to stay at home, would also be an option. And I have even considered upgrading our security system to have an intercom system.

Are there areas in your home that don’t feel safe/might not be safe if you had limited family?

At the moment, no. But the consideration to move bedrooms from the loft to the middle floor will have to happen at some stage. Again, the wife and I are in our early 60s, so we’re not there yet! However, the stairs up to our bedroom can be quite steep. Therefore not safe is we do begin to show any signs of mobility issues. So moving our bedroom down to one on the middle floor has been talked about.

What would be your main criteria?

Just making sure everything is easy to access and walk around. We don’t need anything more than that. Having everything easily accessible and safe surely must be anyone’s top priority.

Have you ever looked into it?

I am always looking into ways to make our house better. But as for changing it now for our senior years? Yes, a little. But it’s not something I am wishing to do right now. Or in the next few years because I don’t need too. But it is being thought about and considered.

How do you feel about having this discussion?

I feel alright. I am a man who just plods on and gets on with things. Some might say I stick my head in the sand about the elephant in the room, i.e., getting older. However, I’m enough of a realist to know that it is happening and will continue to happen as the years go by. So, on some level, I have to be OK with it.

How comfortable do you feel about this topic?

I’m alright talking about this. It’s smart to be prepared for things to come and to have everything in order so as not to be a worry to your family. So being open about this topic, I’m OK with.

Would you rather have this conversation or not have it?

In all honesty, I’d rather not have it. But who would that help? Not my family and certainly not my wife or myself. So, having it just needs to be done at the end of the day.

How would you feel if I brought it up one day?

I’d be shocked and a little taken aback. But it’s one of the many realisations of getting older, isn’t it? To have to talk about these things when the time is right.

What do you think would make it easier?

Just being listened to and heard. Having our wishes handled with care, respect and dignity. That’s all anyone ever asks for, right?

Questions for myself to answer:

How do you feel about the discussion you just had with your relative?

I thought it went well. This sort of subject is never an easy one to approach. But I truly do think it went well.

Is it a discussion you were planning to have with them?

Not particularly, no. But then again, being much like my Dad, I just put my head down and plod on. But I am pleased we had the conversation together.

Is it a discussion you thought you’d ever have with them?

No, not at all. I think we just have this misconception that our family and our parents, especially, will just live on forever. But that is not the reality, so having this conversation did hit home a few realities for us both. But that’s all part and parcel of life, I guess.

How do you think it went?

I really do, yes. My Dad, in particular, thought that perhaps getting the house adapted, even the smaller projects, might be a good idea to start sooner rather than later. I think he had a moment to reflect on how quickly time is passing us by, and with his retirement just 2 years away, it would be nice to enjoy that time rather than constant construction and DIY work. Which, in fairness, I know he would enjoy doing more!

Have you ever thought of, or had this conversation with a member of your family? If so, let me know in the comments below how it went! I’d love to know.

Disclosure: This is a paid collaboration with Premier Care Bathrooms.