Back to nappies

I’m sitting here feeling completely deflated, guilty and inadequate. I wrote recently about a missed moment and now just a few days away from the two week mark since starting our second attempt at potty training we’re going back to nappies.

I don’t know what we did or didn’t do or where we’ve went wrong but Annabelle was becoming increasingly more unwilling to sit on her potty, which results in her just going anywhere she pleased. The floor, the sofa, her bed. Sigh. I tried everything. The encouragement, the treats, reward charts, Dry like me pads, cloth training pants, fun pottys, potty games, sticker books and more. But today I think we finally saw a hurdle we need to conquer before potty training can be achieved – Annabelles delayed speech. Even though she understands everything we ask of her, and even though I know when she needs the loo {and I know she does too} just…she can’t tell me why she doesn’t want to sit on the potty or the big toilet upstairs. She’s clearly got a fear or anxiety that I don’t understand because she can’t tell me about it yet. As nothing else can explain why she’d stand next to her potty and wee right where she stands or poo when I put an actual nappy on her {which I had to do the other day before going out for over an hour. Usually it would be a cloth training pant}. There’s clearly something she needs to physically talk to me about and I guess until she can, then potty training is on hold until that time comes. Whenever that may be.
11156298_788314921254001_2561028660973775927_nSo today after she pee’d on her mattress {again}. Double Sigh. I sat on her bedroom floor as she babbled to me about the book she held in her little hands and I clicked. The penny finally dropped and I took her face in my hands and just said “Come on, Mummy will read to you”.
10171081_682979561787538_4864819529670328657_nShe’s a baby. Ok not a baby, baby but she’s still little and I realised maybe with the potty training I was seeing something that maybe wasn’t really there. Yeah, the signs where there but the communication wasn’t and that plays a huge part in milestones like this.
I also think I was rushing her growing up-ness. Why in hell would I want to do that? Yeah, sure, I cannot wait for the day to finally have my final round of nappies behind me {I’d be lying through my teeth if I said anything otherwise}. But she’s also my final baby. It pulls at my heart strings that subconsciously I was trying to rush her passed all of that when she should just be focusing on being little.
Having fun. Never sitting still. Having a permanently messy hair. Investigating bugs in the garden, enjoying water play, licking paint from her fingers and rolling around in flowerbeds. Kid stuff. She should be up to her eyeballs in kidstuff and again subconsciously I’ve been side lining that.
11173314_794821910603302_8252275465992123356_nI officially suck and hate that it’s taken me until now to actually see things clearly. So potty training can wait. Her speech development is our main and key priority. As soon as we crack her talking, then potty training can be considered, but not a moment before. So her little pants are going away, her potties are going under her bed and we’re going to focus on everything a toddler should be doing. Kid stuff, and mountains of it. This Mama has some time to make up for and to really enjoy these finals months, years with my fifth & final baby. After all, she’s not going to be this size for much longer & I refuse to be blind-sided to miss any more of it.

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8 Comments

  1. 04/06/2015 / 9:34 PM

    She is adorable, stop beating yourself up, I missed many windows with my now 3 year old, got frustrated wiping wee off the floor, the sofa etc, felt how you’re feeling now and then did exactly as you have decided. When I tried her again she was trained in a couple of days, she was ready.
    I’ve my 5th and final to go through it all with next, I have 3 girls and 2 boys 🙂

    • 04/06/2015 / 9:38 PM

      Thank you! I beat myself up pretty bad. In fact I beat the crap out of myself for it. I don’t know what I was thinking but I’m so pleased I finally saw the light, stopped it, and things are SO much better now. Nice to know others have felt that way and I wasn’t completely nuts! Funny you having 3 girls and 2 boys. I have 3 boys and 2 girls! lol x

  2. 04/06/2015 / 10:09 PM

    I think you’ve made the right decision. She’s still a tot really and there’s plenty of time to potty train. *hugs* x

    • 04/06/2015 / 10:17 PM

      Yeah I know. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking or what in hell got into me. I felt so flipping bad though, still do! But I am so pleased I saw sense as things now {I wrote this a few days ago} are SO much better!! Thanks for the cyber hug!! xx

  3. Morna piper
    04/06/2015 / 10:30 PM

    I really felt for you reading this post. I don’t think you suck at all – I have a few friends who have laboured over potty training with a child who really wasn’t ready and ever realised it. At least you have realised that she’s not ready and have put Anabelle first and gone back to nappies – I think you are a fab mum.

    • 04/06/2015 / 10:35 PM

      Ack Morna, that’s such a sweet thing to say. Thank you! Truly. I felt like such a SHIT though if I’m honest. Shocked at myself and what alternate reality I was seeing, you know? Motherhood can be so crazy can’t it? I’m just pleased we’ve went back to nappies as Annabelle is happier, I’m happier and better still? Annabelle and I are getting on great again which is just the most amazing thing!! xx

  4. 04/06/2015 / 10:57 PM

    caleb is struggling. he refuses to sit on the toilet or potty and screams at me til hes bright red and the veins in his neck are sticking out so we’re in nappies for a while longer!

    • 04/06/2015 / 10:59 PM

      I hear you. Annabelle would tell me she needed to go as she’d hold herself. But then she’d hold it in and hold it in, before finally weeing right NEXT to her potty. So for now…I’m happy to be still in fluff and she is happier too. Main thing, right? x

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